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Q: 'I work for a small company which essentially has two sides to the business, Side A is the hands-on side which uses the company's products, and Side B is the technical side which develops the projects. I work on Side A, the hands-on side, but one of my main jobs is liaising with Side B about the development of the company's products. The problem I have is getting people on Side B to listen to my opinions on the development of our products. The technical people on Side A never seem to heed the opinions or listen to the people on Side A regardless of the fact that they don't actually use the products. How can I get people on Side B to listen and account for my opinion more often? (Brian, Edinburgh)

A: I like your question - very juicy! Ok, so here's what I'm thinking. I've tackled the question under three headings:

1. Communication

2. Understanding each others' frustrations

3. Unifying goals

1.Communication

Unfortunately, there is no quickfire solution or magical formula that you can apply to make people listen to you. What's important to think about is the way in which you communicate with them. As they say in the world of NLP 'The meaning of communication is the response that you get.' Not getting the response you'd like? Change the way in which you communicate. How are you communicating at the moment? What way could you change your communication to elicit the response you would like? Checklist: Are you taking the time to build rapport, getting to know people? (Appealing to human nature and a little ego massage go a long way!) Do you communicate your concerns/opinions over the phone? by email? face-to-face? What works best/least? (Everyone communicates in different ways and most people have preferences. Get to know theirs.) Are you talking to the right people? Have you thought about the implications for Side B when you voice an opinion about the products? Do you approach them with a view to meeting both yours and their objectives?

2. Understanding frustrations

The key to getting people to listen and take account of your opinion is to 'meet them where they're at'. By demonstrating an interest in their issues, in their concerns you will undoubtedly enhance your working relationships. At the moment you're frustrated because you feel as though they are not valuing your opinion on product development. But that's your thing! What can't they just...Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! *&&^%$$$*! So think about what's going on for Side B. What pressures might they be facing? Perhaps they feel frustrated because Side A don't understand the nitty-gritty of what's involved in developing the products. For example, Side A may be saying to Side B 'Ok, that last piece of software was useless, we need features x,y,z in order to make it work.' And Side B may be thinking, 'Ouch, that took us ages to do and those features they want are going to take another 3 months.' It's like working in a restaurant. My first job in Edinburgh was as a trainee chef. It was a typical restaurant in that the kitchen staff were continually hacked off with the waiting staff for issuing unreasonable demands and being clueless about how things worked in the kitchen. The waiting staff were similarly frustrated with the kitchen staff. Why weren't meals being prepared more quickly?! Don't they care about customers waiting endlessly or receiving poor quality food?! I was watching Kitchen Nightmares with Gordon Ramsay a while back and he was taking about this common predicament in restaurants. What he did was to take all the kitchen staff and get them working as waiters for a day and get all the waiting staff and put them in the kitchen. With every new member of staff that comes to work in the kitchen, they spend a day as a waiter and vice versa. Think about it. The difference it makes to working relationships is phenomenal.

3.Unify goals

At the moment Side A and Side B are working for the same company but may well have different goals. In order to work cohesively it's really important that each side knows each others' goals and objectives, and also that they share goals and are aware of these shared goals! So how can your company practically integrate some of the above suggestions? Let's recap:

1. Think about how you are communicating with Side B and what changes you can make to enhance your communication.

2. How can Side A and Side B understand each others frustrations? By writing them down and sharing this with one another? By having a focussed meeting? By having a few beers together? You will know what works best/what is most practical for your company.

3. What are Side A's primary objectives over the next 3 months? What are Side B's objectives? Do you know? If not, how can you find out? Can you formulate shared objectives?

So I guess it's not going to be an overnight solution. Some of the measures may feel awkward but think about it this way - you don't get something for nothing! Taking time out now to find ways of working in harmony will pay dividends in the long run. Good luck!

Q: 'What do you suggest for rapport when you can't understand someone's accent very well and you're always having to ask them to repeat what they're saying?!' (Eilidh, Edinburgh)

A: Hi Eilidh, I was just wondering how you normally interacted with the person e.g. phone, face-to-face, both? If the only contact you have with this person is over the phone, you could try building rapport a couple of ways. Firstly, by matching the tone and speed of their voice (not in imitation fashion but if they are talking quickly/slowly high-pitched/low-pitched, you could try to match this or elements of this) Secondly, by picking up on the language the person uses. Are there key phrases and words the person often uses? It may be possible to use some of these words and phrases yourself when in conversation with the person. The key thing to remember is that using specific techniques to build rapport may feel a bit funny or awkward to begin with but they gradually become more natural.

The four levels of rapport are Body Language, Voice Tone, Language and Beliefs & Values. In terms of body language, remember that this reveals what a person is really thinking. So if you detect different messages from what a person's body tells you to what their voice tells you, go with what their body tells you! To build rapport then, try to subtely mirror and match the person's body language. Remember there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to body language - crossed arms do not necessarily mean someone is defensive. They could simply be a bit chilly. So look at the person as a whole.

It's important to mention that it's really good practice to repeat what a person is saying for clarification, whether you can understand their accent or not. It pays to be honest too. By saying, 'I'm really sorry, I can't quite catch what you're saying. I wonder could you speak more slowly please?' you give the person the chance to modify their speech so that you can understand them. If you're on the phone you can also add that it's noisy in the office, or that your hearing isn't too well today. Basically, the interaction will take as long as it takes.

Ensure you have plenty of time before you speak to the person and try not to feel rushed. I hope that helps!

Q: 'Hi Emer, What signs can I look out for in a meeting to see that things aren't going in and what can I do to change that?' (Owen, Edinburgh)

A: Hi Owen, welcome to Ask Emer. I take it when you say 'things aren't going in' you mean participants of the meeting appear distracted or plainly not interested in what's going on - that they are not 'taking in' the information that is being disussed. It is important to remember that patterns of body language, facial expressions and so on differ greatly from person to person. What may appear to be a sign of boredom, for example, may in fact be a sign of concentration. Be sure not to jump to conclusions when looking for such signs. However, if a person is blatantly snoozing in the corner, texting or brushing their hair, then this would indicate that what is being discussed is not going in. The greatest sign is your gut instinct, particularly if you know well the people involved.

If you are chairing the meeting and get a sense that people are not taking in as much as you would like them to, a simple suggestion would be to ask how people felt about taking a ten minute break. If you are greeted with overwhelming enthusiasm, then you know your instincts were correct. The desire for caffeine, sugar, nicotine and going to the bathroom can be overwhelming to the point of distraction. Do not underestimate this!

If you wish to avoid sending your staff to the land of nod during meetings be sure to ensure that there are clear objectives and outcomes for each meeting, that everyone knows what's expected of them at the meeting and that everyone knows how long the meeting will last. Don't forget that people learn in different ways - people can be reflectors, theroists, pragmatists and activists so ideally the meeting should be interactive to allow for this. Hope that helps!

Q: 'How long should meetings last, in general?' (Owen, Edinburgh)

A: I feel this would depend on the purpose and people involved. I personally would not allow a meeting to exceed an hour and a half. If I was organising a meeting that I knew would exceed this, I would term it a workshop and ensure there was a break in the middle and that active interaction took place. If we are talking about a traditional meeting scenario where individuals sit and listen to one or more people talking, sometimes punctuated by discussion, then to exceed an hour and a half is often to invite the demons of distraction and dreaminess - desirable states in themselves but perhaps best not suited to a meeting scenario. Again, be sure to allow for individual requirements when planning your meetings and allow for feedback on length, structure, content etc.

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